Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize