you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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