ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i out mim tonsoeep
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
