Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
