we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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