I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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