I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
