He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
