she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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