apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
