By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
