Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
