I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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