The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
babies were throwing up all over the place
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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