Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
