feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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