hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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