he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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