I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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