turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
