Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
