yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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