Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just pee around me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
