I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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