oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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