I'm really into asian looking animals
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
