I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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