So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
