So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
