Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
