Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
