i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
