MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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