I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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