sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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