Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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