Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
