Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed

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  (303): A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed http://tfl.nu/q5pw
  Replies (7) Good night (1699) Bad night (567)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.

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  (207): If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs. http://tfl.nu/6isi
  Replies (14) Good night (2838) Bad night (631)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so when am I gonna get some from you?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when you dick grows 3 inches

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  (202): so when am I gonna get some from you? (617): when you dick grows 3 inches http://tfl.nu/rd2p
  Replies (74) Good night (2067) Bad night (8951)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.

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  (540): She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her. http://tfl.nu/1bms
  Replies (13) Good night (4850) Bad night (1448)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?

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  (313): How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going? http://tfl.nu/4fop
  Replies (11) Good night (1261) Bad night (4200)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

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  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
  Replies (24) Good night (5045) Bad night (1071)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.

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  (709): The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave. http://tfl.nu/fq86
  Replies (2) Good night (1177) Bad night (802)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.

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  (410): It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience. http://tfl.nu/n6q9
  Replies (6) Good night (852) Bad night (1583)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Naked Twister starts at high noon

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  (913): Naked Twister starts at high noon http://tfl.nu/ka5x
  Replies (16) Good night (2213) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And your cock privileges have been revoked.

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  (778): Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck? (604): And your cock privileges have been revoked. http://tfl.nu/u4qr
  Replies (10) Good night (1203) Bad night (1774)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt

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  (210): It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt http://tfl.nu/ws0p
  Replies (8) Good night (1179) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?

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  (504): Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh? http://tfl.nu/qv7w
  Replies (4) Good night (464) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment

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  (303): that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment http://tfl.nu/t2of
  Replies (3) Good night (595) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.

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  (406): Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life. http://tfl.nu/a4er
  Replies (0) Good night (366) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.

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  (402): He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team. (575): Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring. http://tfl.nu/j6bp
  Replies (1) Good night (820) Bad night (297)

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