Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor