What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.