I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
