My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.