that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
