Plan B is the new Plan A
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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