Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
