you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
