all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
