It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just had sex on a roof
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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