Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I met the friendliest cop last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
