Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
