She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
