Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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