Plan B is the new Plan A
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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