thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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