thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
