Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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