How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
