hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
