We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
