Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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