party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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