I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are we still banned from the library?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
