How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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