I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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