all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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