Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
