I hate all girls vehemently.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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