Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
