my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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