and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
