i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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