i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
