she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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