So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
