normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
