I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
