She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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