I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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