omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
