I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
