I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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