before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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