Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
