As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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